Galley Gourmet with Captain Chaos - The perils of buying a boat on eBay
“Hey Chaos are you home?”
I woke up wondering who in the hell was calling me from the garden outside my window. It was pitch black and freezing cold, even the birds hadn’t stirred yet.
“It’s the middle of the night,” I yelled back.
“No it’s not! It’s 6.30 and it’s beautiful and crisp out here. It’s Peter, come on, get up I have something to show you.”
“What is it … an ice sculpture? Can’t it wait until the sun comes up?”
LP rolled over and snarled at me to get up and stop making so much noise. Wrapping myself in layers of jumpers and coats I shuffled to the front door. Peter was on the door step with the look of someone who had just won big in Lotto. He grabbed my hand and started to drag me up the driveway to the road.
“I want you to see what I bought on eBay.”
Parked on the road was a very rusty old four-wheel trailer. Worse, sitting, or should I say squatting, on the trailer was an even older trailer sailer. The only thing that looked in one piece was the mast and it was in the shape of a banana.
“Bloody Hell, Peter. What convinced you to buy this?”
“I’ve always wanted a boat and this was so cheap I just had to have it.”
“You’ll certainly have it for a long time. It will no doubt become a permanent fixture in your backyard. How far did you have to go to get it?”
“About 100kms. Bit of trouble coming back. It seemed to wander about a bit if I went over 20kph.”
“Wander! You’re lucky it stayed on the road, look at the state of the trailer,” I said kicking one of the tires, which caused large flakes of orange rust to fall and cover the road like autumn leaves.
“What did it say on eBay?”
“Beautiful old-styled trailer sailer in need of some tender loving care. Comes with extras and mast. Four wheel trailer thrown in. Suitable for the home handyman’s first boat after some restoration. Must sell as family moving overseas. First to see will buy. $400 or near offer.”
“I offered $200 and he jumped at it.”
“I’m not surprised. I wouldn’t take it near the water in that state; you’ll frighten the seagulls. It’ll hardly make it up the hill to your place.”
“Sure will. It’s only about half a mile up there,” Peter said pointing up at the very steep hill between my place and his.
Peter jumped into his old Landcruiser and gunned the motor. When the smoke cleared the car dragged itself forward pulling the old trailer with it. I could hear all sorts of grinding noises from under the boat, it sounded like the trailer was coming apart. I ran around to the other side and found to my astonishment one of the tires had a great rip in it and the rim was grating on the ground. I yelled for Peter to stop but he couldn’t hear me. I could see the trailer had a lean and as the car dragged the trailer up the hill the lean got worse.
BBBAAAANNNGGG!!!
Just as the boat and trailer were going through the cattle grid the other tire blew, tipping boat and trailer sideways. The only thing stopping them from turning over was the gate post which had broken through the side of the boat and had anchored it there.
“What happened?” said Peter jumping out of his car. “I’ll have to leave it here and move it later.”
I suggested he come back to my place as LP had cooked a lot of soup.
“That’s the biggest mail box I’ve ever seen!” she said.

Chicken Soup

Ingredients
    600 g   chicken thighs cut up into small pieces
    2   carrots chopped
    1   large onion chopped
    ½   cup of fresh basil and parsley mixed
    1   dessertspoon chopped garlic
    1.5   litres of chicken stock
        bouquet garni of 2 bay leaves, 3 sage leaves, lemon thyme, parsley and oregano
    2   tablespoons of olive oil
        fresh ground black pepper
        salt

Cooking
Heat the oil in a large frying pan and throw in all the vegetables and garlic fry for about 6 minutes. Into a large pot place the stock, the bouquet garni and the chicken, simmer about 10 minutes then add the vegetables. Simmer for 8 minutes adding the basil and parsley. Pepper and salt to taste, remove bouquet garni then serve with crusty bread or French stick.