Galley Gourmet with Captain Chaos - Condiments of the season
We were just a group of old friends and family. Chris, Ben, Roger and Tony with partners sitting around on board this huge motor cruiser heading out the Heads to drop our old friend off.
 The talk was on the good times we all had had with our old mate Jonno who had passed on a few weeks ago.
“I remember when the two of us …” Lots of laughter. “You should have been there!” “We capsized three times, and that was before we left the shallow water.”
The drink flowed as we didn’t have to worry about driving because we had a designated driver to steer us out and back.
“I remember once in New Zealand we were out fishing when the wind and the sea started to rise; Jonno just kept fishing until the swell was lifting us up and down like being on a elevator. He reeled in and said ‘I think we can surf in all the way.’ I’ll always remember how frightened I was when the water rose above the gunnels as we headed down into the bottom of each wave.”
“It couldn’t have been that bad your still here!”
The girls got up saying they had heard enough b... and were going to the galley to get the lunch ready.
It was about a hour later when we all sat down to a table piled high with food. We started to eat and drink toasts to the dearly departed when suddenly Tony lurched to his feet spitting and chocking. We all jumped up thinking he was going to have a heart attack.
“What’s wrong, mate?”
“Yuk! That’s all gritty. Look,” he said spitting some onto a tissue.
I took one look at the grey and black speckled mess and thought, “Oh No!”
I raced into the galley and looked around. At first I couldn’t see what I was looking for. Then I spotted it. A commercial tin with the label saying Taste Enhancer. I pulled the lid off and found to my horror it was less than half full. I stood there for a moment wondering what to do then I made up my mind and walking back in stood at the head of the table. There was silence as they waited for me to speak.
“Hey Chaos you look like someone just died!” one said.
“I have a confession to make. When I bought Jonno home in his urn …” I looked around but no one had caught on to what I was trying to explain, so I had to go ahead and spell it out.
“I dropped the urn and it broke. So I placed his ashes in this tin,” I said holding up the container. I heard a gasp and one of the girls jumped to her feet and holding a napkin to her mouth, headed for the stern.
“What you are trying to tell us Chaos is we are ingesting Jonno. He’s been mixed in with the food.”
“Well, not quite all of him. There’s still about a quarter left in the tin.”
You could cut the air with a knife. Everyone jumped up and headed for the stern.
“Hello down there, what’s going on?” it was the bridge intercom.
“I think Jonno’s gone over the stern a bit earlier than was planned.”
I went out and suggested we throw the rest of the tin in.
“And scrape the plates, too.”
“Great idea. Jonno would love this. He always was a practical joker.”
While we were scraping the plates over the side a yacht with a large group of people sailed past.
“Ahoy the stink boat. Something Chaos cooked upset you all?”
I was lucky I’d brought a standby.

Oven baked pork ribs with a BBQ sauce

Ingredients
2 kg pork ribs, cut in serving-size pieces
1 cup tomato puree
½ cup Worcestershire sauce
1 lemon, thinly sliced
1 large onion, thinly sliced
1 teaspoon crushed chili
1 teaspoon salt
dash Tabasco sauce
salt and pepper
Cooking
Place ribs in a shallow roasting pan, meaty side down; season with salt and pepper. Roast at 425° for 35 minutes. Turn meaty side up. Top ribs with sliced lemon and onion. Reduce oven temperature to 350° and continue to roast for 30 minutes longer. Put the tomato puree, Worcestershire sauce, crushed chili, salt and Tabasco in a saucepan over medium heat. Bring to a boil and pour over ribs. Continue roasting ribs, basting occasionally, for 1 hour longer. Add more water if sauce gets too thick.