Galley Gourmet with Captain Chaos - School Holidays - wish I was young enough to enjoy them

School holidays are over and the streets and waterways are nearly safe to venture out on again. You think I’m kidding … around this town you’ve had to be careful.
Take the other day. I was sitting on the shore of the inlet nearby when I heard what sounded like an old western heading my way. You know the sort of movie; mad galloping horses, and the noise of cowboys and indians yelling and screaming.
I jumped to my feet and stood wondering what was happening to my peaceful world. Should I run? If so, in what direction?
The thunder of hooves and the high-pitched yells were almost upon me.
Then to my horror about ten horses appeared over the dunes. I leapt to the safety of a tree and watched while these beasts with mad girl riders flew in a cloud of spray into the surf. It was only then they saw this shaken wide-eyed geezer standing with hoof marks all around him.
“Hey look. There’s Chaos. Sorry if we gave you a fright!”
“It’s OK. I often get trampled on by horses.”
I decided after that I would go into the hills and walk. There I thought I had a better chance of not getting hurt. A gentle breeze was blowing and the birds were chirping. I was walking along this track with a bank on one side and a long drop into the valley on the other.
Suddenly the birds stopped singing and the whole place became quiet.
“What in the hell!” I wondered.
RRRRROOOOAARRRR!!!
The din of a million cc’s filled the air behind me. I started to run along the track. There was no escape. The racket was just around the corner. I decided to jump off the track and hang on to the trunk of a tree fern.
It was just in time because the track was crammed with six midget Evel Knievels going like the clappers. They looked like escapees from a pre-school. The biggest thing was their bikes.
A week later I was on the water in my trusty old dinghy. I had a small sail up and was cruising along when coming towards me was a father and son team in a small sailing boat. I looked again they were heading straight at me.
“Hey, look out!” I yelled.
I could see I had their attention.
“We will pass to the right,” Dad yelled.
“Your right or my right?”
The father said something to his son about people not being too bright.
“Left!” he shrieked.
“Whose left?” I bellowed back, watching the boy on the tiller who was still steering straight at me.
“You’re confusing me!”
We were only seconds from smacking into each other. I could see the father looking at his hands, turning them this way and that. I thought I would further add to the confusion.
“Do you mean starboard or port?”
“Dad! Which way?”
I could tell the only port the father knew came out of a bottle … and he probably thought starboard was a type of surf board.
My old ‘when in doubt’ training came to the fore, so I yelled, “Come about!”
The boy obeyed and gybed. The boom promptly collected the father and smacked him over the side.
As I passed I could see they were alright and they both had lifejackets on.
“You should teach your father to sail.”
I won’t print what Dad yelled back.
So much for the school holidays. I just wish I was younger so I could enjoy them.

Wonton cases with salmon, avocado & cherry tomato salsa

Ingredients
36 wonton wrappers
1 thin slice of smoked salmon chopped finely
2 avocados halved with stones removed, peeled and mashed
90g natural yoghurt
250g cherry tomatoes coarsely chopped
½ small red onion finely chopped
10-12 splashes of red tabasco
2tbs fresh lemon juice
olive oil

Cooking
Place an oiled mini muffin pan into a pre-heated oven with pushed down wonton wrappers to form small cups. Bake until golden brown; this only takes a few minutes. Set aside to cool. Place salmon, avocado and yoghurt in a bowl, mix and add tabasco to taste.
Mix together tomato, onion, coriander and lemon juice in another bowl, season with fresh ground black pepper and sea salt.
Spoon the avocado mixture into the wonton cups, top with the tomato mixture and serve immediately. You can use many different mixtures for example crab, prawns or duck.